The Book of Nine Balls Ch. 1: Cold Monkeys & A.D.D.

I did some thinking the other day. Yeah...I'm prone to doing that from time to time, especially when I am bored and developing a serious buzz from gasoline fumes (one day, I'll explain that one to you - let's just say that some would consider that a perk of the job. And for the record, those same people are probably mere brain cells away from earning the nickname "Rain Man"). And, crafted in my own special fashion, the thoughts appear random to the untrained eye; but since I have been trained in secret ritualistic monasteries in uncharted realms of this planet, I have the perception and vision to see beyond the surface of supposed coincidences. The fact that I thought them up helps, I will admit, however.

* While listening to the Arctic Monkeys, I had an unusual thought: based solely on my knowledge of the English language, its form, its structure, and the meanings of several word units, both individual and combined, am I alone in concluding that the word antarctic seems as though it should mean the opposite of arctic?

* Speaking of music...I'd like to share something with you. I have unearthed an interesting phenomenon that appears to be permeating the music scene. I must confess...this scares me, although I do not know why. Nevertheless...songs are ending. No really - what happened to songs that just faded out? Every song now seems to just come to a stop. Does the band think that it is doing us a favor? By just ending the song, do they feel that they are freeing us to indulge in some other activity that we have wanted to do and would have done if that damn song didn't get in the way? "Hey man, sorry for holding you up; we'll just cut this song off so you can get back to folding the laundry. Thanks for listening. Buy the album! *silence* *more silence* Umm, dude...sorry to bother you again, but can you tell us somewhere to eat around here?" I miss the "Livin' on a Prayer" fade outs. It gave me hope that we really were halfway there. And as a heterosexual male, I will confess to you right now...I would have taken Jon's hand cause we would have made it; I swear. That's just it...the emotional impact would have been stunted if Bon Jovi had just decided to end the song. Don't misunderstand - some songs are actually enhanced by the cessation; I consider Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me" to be a shining example. I just have been noticing that almost all of the modern songs, even the ones clogging the toilet we call radio, just end. No echoing refrains or lingering hooks. I have a theory - I think it is the fault of A.D.D. Maybe the musicians think that people don't have the attention span for songs that fade out. Maybe they're right.

Believe me, this is just the beginning...